Warning: Graphic language abounds in this post. But then it often does in my novels or the novels of any of the other divas, so perhaps this warning wasn’t really necessary. Oh well, can’t say I didn’t try.

Research for an erotic romance author can be strange sometimes. Fun, but strange. I have this scene I wrote, and one of my heroes refers to his, well, semen, but using a colloquialism. Trouble is, I can’t find a colloquialism I think he would actually say that doesn’t make me wince a bit.

I googled ‘Aussie Slang for Sperm’ and came up with a plethora of options, very few of which were actually Australian. Spoont was the one highlighted as Australian by the Urban Dictionary. Honestly, I’ve never heard anyone say spoont in my life. Perhaps it’s new. I’m also given a bunch of non-oz options: Jizz, Jism, nut, spooge, spunk, skeet, man milk, man chowder, man custard, man juice, man paste and baby gravy. Can’t say I like any of them, with the possible exception of man juice. Last week I used man junk on the spur of the moment and I kind of like that, but isn’t ‘junk’ used by the American male to describe the equipment, rather than the product? Is that then confusing to Americans?

The things I have to think about.

Spunk is the term I have put in the draft, because it was the least revolting one I could think of, but I can’t help shake the belief that it actually means a good looking person ( eg. Amusingly used by Australian “Sheilas” to describe an attractive man “he’s a spunk”) Apparently the meaning of the word has morphed since I was at school (admittedly, quite some time ago). It also has other meanings, see below:

  Spirit; pluck. Considering it is also a vulgar term for semen, it is rarely used in its normal form due to the obviously easy possibility to misinterpret it.

“That athlete shows a lot of spunk on the soccer field”
“He shows a lot of spirit and determination”

 So the Internet with its vast cache of pornographic information, hasn’t helped me much with this as I can’t find anything my guy would say. I think I might just use man junk. Coin a new phrase—why not? I’m a writer. It’s called artistic license.

Anyway, while I was looking around I came across a few Aussie sayings that gave me a laugh so I thought I’d share them.

BONE OF CONTENTION A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic Beach Volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

TITANIC A lady who goes down first time out.

A BEER COAT The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

BEER COMPASS The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a cruise, even though you’re too pissed to remember where you live. how you got there, or where you came from.

FRIGMAROLE Unnecessarily time consuming foreplay.

No pics with this post. Really, there’s just nothing appropriate.

Enjoy your weekend,