1. No romance novel heroine ever has a truly boring job. No mind-numbing days stuck in a grey cubicle ticking boxes, moving paper from one side of the desk to another. Oh no. They’re all wedding coordinators or reporters or owners of quaint little bookshops frequented by impossibly sexy men looking for an out of print orginal novel for their much loved mother.
  2. In romance novels, chubby girls are always irresistibly voluptuous to even the most gorgeous, hard-bodied stud around. The problem of her lack of fitness never seems to come up, nor does the possibility he’ll meet a Biggest Loser trainer at the gym while his lady love is at home in her porky pig pajamas, eating cookie dough ice-cream and watching While You Were Sleeping for the fiftieth time.
  3. Nothing hurts in romance land except a broken heart. Virgins feel no pain, soap causes no irritation when rubbed over sensitive places and perpetual erections are seen as a sexy little bonus, not a severe medical condition in need of treatment.
  4. Romance novel heroes never picture Jennifer Aniston while making it with their lady loves and heroines never compose mental to do lists during coitus. Err, not that women do that in real life either…
  5. Romance novel heroes have a serious aversion to coming in a woman’s mouth. “Oh baby, you don’t have to do that

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(cover mock ups from world of longmire)