Someone sent these to me claiming they were sentences typed by real emergency room receptionists in Glasgow. Don’t know if that’s true but they made me laugh so I thought I’d share them.

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
    very hot in bed last night.

4. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to
    be depressed.

6. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but

8. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

9. She is numb from her toes down.

10. While in ER, she was examined,  x-rated and sent home.

11. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

12. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

13. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
      until she got a divorce.

14. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

15. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

16. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

17. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

18. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

19. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
      airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

20. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady

21. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should
     sit on the abdomen and I agree.

22. The patient was to have a bowel resection.  

      However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

Have a great weekend