Our final guest blogger this week is Australian m/m author, A.B. Gayle. And let me just say…WOW. Have you read any of her work? No? Then bloody well get to it. It is hot, emotional, incredible and will stay with you for a long time.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, A.B. Gayle…
Lexx
Thanks Sami, Jess, Lexxie and Rhian and for having me.
Why did I choose to write m/m?
Good question.
Why does any female write m/m for that matter?
The easy answer is that if one man is good…
…. then two men must be better.
Make them gay (not suggesting that Thor or Wolverine are that way inclined 🙂 ) and story ideas just jump out of the page.
But what’s wrong with the normal male and female scenario? Why write about gay men?
Aussie author, Geoffrey Knight, posed this question to a number of authors and reviewers and compiled the answers into a book: “Why Straight Women Love Gay Romance.”
As a gay man, he found the whole concept fascinating.
Some gay men are disturbed by the thought of females writing and reading gay sex scenes, but others seem to get it. After all, heterosexual females and gay men have one huge factor in common. They both love men! They both appreciate the beauty of the male body. Many have *gasp* even gone to bed with a male!
Mind you, gay men often suggest we don’t know what it feels like to get a blowjob, but many of us know exactly what it feels like to give one!
So, with just a little research the mechanics are not that alien.
But why did I start writing them?
Over the centuries, writers have covered every angle of the traditional m/f romance. In every writing style, in every location. I devoured so many that I was looking for something different, especially as I’ve been there, done that in real life and have got the hubby and two kids to prove it! Writing stories with male heroes allows me to get “outside the kitchen” and into areas most females can’t or won’t venture.
Perhaps part of me always wished I could be the fireman who went in and rescued people, or was able to casually stroll into a bar and feel that my gender didn’t make me feel conspicuous.
When I was writing “Red+Blue” 
I was very aware that most scenes would have been impossible with a male and female. The story wouldn’t have worked the same way. Men have a lot more freedom to go places and the strength to do different things. That immediately creates a difference in what is possible to write about and the scenarios that can be explored. For example, my characters go canoeing in the wilds of Minnesota and the Quetico. Yes, females can do those sorts of things – I am living proof of that fact – but different factors would be present. More rigid constraints on behavior. Expectations.
Even when I had Danny, my hero in “Caught” walk up to Nathaniel Taylor, a total stranger, I was reminded that if he had been a female, the chance of that sort of thing occurring would be unlikely and, if it did, another set of expectations would be in force. All set by society and circumstance.
Like it or not, our gender restricts us to certain places and actions.
Yes, there are always exceptions to the rules and paranormal and fantasy are great ways to explore these.
But it’s not just the expanded horizons that result from having two male main characters, there are also a whole new set of conflicts that come into play.
And even the mushiest romance needs conflict.
But conflict with two guys isn’t just arguing about who is going to top and who is going to bottom – although that has been the case in some books – it can be about egos, whether they’re out or not, their willingness to let their guard down and admit they actually care for each other. Especially as the typical male finds it difficult to express their emotions. Plus, the outside world adds a totally different flavour in contemporary m/m romances. Life is not easy for a gay man growing up. While things have definitely improved, there is still a lot of homophobia around. Many of the older generation still see homosexuality as an aberration.
But there are also more positive sides to heterosexual women writing gay romances. The whole concept of love and romance shouldn’t belong exclusively to straight relationships. Yet, a happy future seems an impossible aim for gay men (and women) who are still coming to terms with the fact that they can be openly gay.
Many still bear the scars of years of feeling left out. Not wanted. Excluded. Every book they read, every movie they watched never depicted them in a positive light, assuming they were included at all. Gay men often bemoan the fact that they had no positive role models while growing up. People they could identify with.
Until now, most gay fiction reflected this reality and the stories were rarely happy. Let alone had a happy every after. Just when they finally won their freedom from laws which prevented them from being who they were born to be, they were hit by the scourge of AIDs. Some heartless members of society even told them that they deserved this fate. It was the will of God. So, to suddenly have a genre where being gay is not only accepted but is celebrated is something that they find quite amazing. For years, the concept of love and a happy long, lasting relationship felt an impossible dream. Yet, m/m romances show how that can happen. This is starting to make them believe it is possible.
How do I know this for certain? Since I started writing m/m romances, I’ve got to know a few gay authors. I’ve emailed them and interviewed a few on my blog. http://www.abgayle.com/my-blog—reviews–interviews.html
One, Don Schecter, is now 75 and didn’t come out of the closet until he was in his forties. “You just weren’t allowed to be gay in those days,” he told me. We have become internet friends, have skyped and beta each other’s stories. He makes sure I get the nuts and bolts right.
I’ve also been fortunate to meet and become friends with the Sydney-based author, Barry Lowe who delights in telling the story how someone
at high school, accused him of being camp. He’d never heard the term before. After being told it meant he was a homosexual, he went to the library and looked up that word, saying, as he closed the complete Oxford dictionary with a thud, “Wow, so that’s what I am. Great!” (Or at least, that’s the story as Barry likes to tell it.) Even though he’s been with his partner, Wally, for nearly 40 years, the thought of men writing about love just didn’t occur to him. He mainly wrote gay erotica because he thought that’s all gay men wanted to read. He’s still amazed that his romantic style stories like “A Red Rose Before Crying” sell so well.
Gay men in books, movies and plays rarely had a happy ending. They died tragically, or their love was thwarted. Think “Brokeback Mountain” or even “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.”
That’s assuming gay characters were included at all.
Like the villain in a murder mystery, because of who they were, they often “got what they deserved.” Even now, although gay characters are being included more, they are often the stereotype bitch queen from hell or the soft, femme type. Rarely do we see the burly gay bears or the ones who don’t flaunt their gayness.
When I attended the Mardi Gras after party as research for my novella “Mardi Gras”
I was astounded by the sheer number of gay men there. Thousands of people spilled out of the Hordern Pavilion and neighboring entertainment areas. Every variation was present, including some leather men dancing to a DJ, or just milling around, chatting. Attending some of Sydney’s great drag events proved great inspiration for my recent release “Leather+Lace.” 
Yet, even at Mardi Gras, I was conscious that when they left the area, they would have to stop holding hands and scuttle back into the box that society demands they live in.
In books they can escape that boundary.
I really feel that by giving them their happy ending, authors are helping to change things for the better. Writing in the gold rings and the picket fence, puts the issue of gay marriage onto the agenda. Showing the effect that homophobia has on their lives reminds us to ensure that our children have a more enlightened attitude. Reading about people being forced into the closet by the expectations of parents and society helps us understand the difficulties of coming out.
Lecturing (telling) people to behave in a more tolerant fashion doesn’t work.
Showing them situations and making them feel these issues as they walk in the shoes of the characters for a couple of hours, I believe can, and will, change people’s minds. That’s assuming they need changing. Yet even those who are already enlightened can gain a sense of affirmation.
Yeah, it’s hot writing and reading about two gay men getting it off, but more than that, literature – even when it masquerades as a light-hearted m/m romance – can help change perceptions. If properly researched and respectful towards gay men, by reading it we learn about the issues they face which helps us to support them when they need it.
It’s interesting that when we did a poll of subjects for panel discussions at our upcoming inaugural OzmmMeet the option for discussion that received the most votes was “Injecting realism into m/m romance” and “Are we stereotyping gay men and what would constitute an acceptable HEA for them?”
Thanks to the internet, this blog probably extends far around the world. But anyone who lives locally or would like to join a group of authors, reviewers and readers on the weekend of 11-13 October. we’d love to see you there. Check out our webpage for more info http://www.ozmmmeet2013.com.
Thanks to Down Under Divas for inviting me along. You gals rock!
PS: I have to thank Jess Dee especially, as her interest and encouragement when I chatted about the plot of my first story, an m/f romance was what gave me the courage to start writing in the first place. It was eventually published by Total eBound and called “Isolation.”
BIO: A.B. Gayle hasn’t been writing stories all her life, instead she’s been living life. Her travels have taken her from the fjords of Norway to the southern tip of New Zealand. In between, she’s worked in so many different towns she’s lost count, shovelling shit in cow yards, mustering sheep, being polite to customers, trading insults with politicians. Sometimes she gets confused as to who needs what where. Now living in Sydney, Australia, she finally has time to allow her real life experiences morph with her fertile imagination to create fiction that she hopes readers will enjoy.
Her writing centres on the theme “Opposites Attract” and the first two books in the series, “Red+Blue” http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=2952 and “Leather+Lace” http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3658 are out now with Dreamspinner Press who also published the novella “Caught” http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=1975. If you want to read more about A.B. Gayle and her work, check out her website http://www.abgayle.com.
Jun 29, 2013 @ 10:13:52
Great post AB. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us!
Jun 29, 2013 @ 11:13:01
Thank you fo having me Sami. It’s been interesting to discover how few readers of mm there are in Australia. Hopefully our mm Meet and the chance to meet local mm authors will encourage more people to explore the genre. Warning though! Once you do you might get hooked. Many have reported finding it difficult to go back to reading or writing more traditional romances once they’ve walked on the wild side.
Jun 30, 2013 @ 01:15:59
Thank you for your post. Although I have yet to read a M/M only book, I have read most of Ms. Dee’s books that have M/M/F-think that’s right. Where the males have sex with each other and the female. I believe it is a growing genre. I was taught by my mom and have taught my kids that loving someone is the most important…gender, race, religion should not matter. Thanks again for your post and perspective. Hoping to uncover a true M/M in my TBR pile soon.
Jun 30, 2013 @ 09:07:13
Thanks for the comments, Annie. Do check out your TBR pile. If you enjoy m/m/f and enjoy fantasy, one great way to ease into m/m is to read something like Denise Rossetti’s series from Ellora’s Cave. “Gift of the Goddess” is great m/m/f and “Strongman” is great m/m.
Jul 09, 2013 @ 07:51:41
Lovely post. My editor gave me this link because im an ausdie m/m writer too. Ilovef all your points and i agree with all of them, especially being able to put them in situations i would never do with m/f. Plus for me, the titilation aspect is huge. My body loves to read m/m, and write it! Thanks again xo
Jul 09, 2013 @ 08:00:52
Thanks, Tamsin. It’s always nice to meet up with other Aussie authors especially if they’re into writng or reading m/m. If you are able to get to our October meet we’d love to see you. If it’s too far from where you live, you may be interested in joining AQRM which has a (private) Facebook presence as well as a public one. This allows us to organise all sorts of get togethers face to face as there are members all over Australia and New Zealand. Sometimes it is as simple as: “I’m going to be at such a such cafe on this date, anyone want to join me?” We did that in Brisbane last week and 6 people turned up and had a great time chatting about all sorts of things. Some serious, some just fun.
Jul 10, 2013 @ 00:59:01
I live in victoria so brisbane is a bit of a ways away, but facebook sounds like fun! Thank u!
Jul 14, 2013 @ 09:12:23
Tamsin, the OZmmMeet is in Sydney, but next year there will be an LGBT meet in Melbourne to coincide with Midsumma in January. Matthew Lang and a team of Victorians will be organising that, Send me an email if you want to be linked up via Facebook. That’s the best way to check when things like this happen. The Victorian crowd get together on a pretty regular basis. Isabelle Rowan turns up, as do a few readers. My email address is abgayle(dot)writer(at)gmail(dot)com and replace the words with the appropriate symbols.
Jul 09, 2013 @ 10:30:41
Nice post, but:
“For example, my characters go canoeing in the wilds of Minnesota and the Quetico. Yes, females can do those sorts of things – I am living proof of that fact – but different factors would be present. More rigid constraints on behavior. Expectations.”
How? I don’t get it. Are you talking about the dynamic between the two hikers, or the expectations of the reader?
Jul 09, 2013 @ 10:48:31
In a way, both Angie.
Readers’ preconceptions play a big part on how they expect characters to behave in certain circumstances. Would a male and female who aren’t in a relationship go away together by themselves? Would they see themselves as equals? Would they share a tent? Would there be different physical abilities that woud need to be addressed in the story. Of course, you could write a marvellous m/f with a physically strong female taking a nerdy guy to set up a different dynamic, but by and large romances deal with the alpha male and the feminine female.
My post had been long enough, so I didn’t want to go into details, but as far as my two characters went, there was the risk of unexpected and therefore unprotected sex in a situation where one of the guys may have been HIV positive. That wouldn’t arise in m/f, although the possibility of unwanted pregnancy might. Other issues came to the fore, for example, one was in the closet and the other guy suspected but wasn’t sure he was even gay.
With a male and female, both good looking and single, there would be almost an expectation of sex being possible.
Does that answer your question?
Jul 09, 2013 @ 12:22:02
It does, thank you. However, I respectfully disagree with a great deal of what you’re saying. I wish I had read your book so I had a better idea of the scenario in mind, but I haven’t, so feel free to correct me if I make any incorrect assumptions.
While you claim that m/f romance typically deals with the alpha male and feminine female, if you looked at sites like DearAuthor and SmartBitches, you’d seen novels that enforce these stereotypes are subject to heavy criticism, similar to how m/m novels are often criticized for having passive bottoms and alpha heroes.
Honestly, the idea that the m/m genre doesn’t incorporate traditional gender roles to the same extent the m/f genre does is a little silly. The m/m genre is rife with alpha male heroes pairing up with passive bottoms — and plenty of readers who hate and criticize this. The m/f genre is rife with swooning damsels pairing up with passive heroes — and plenty of readers who hate and criticize this. Most modern day readers seem to like their characters equal, regardless of whether they’re het fans or m/m fans.
So, really, I guess what I’m trying to say is: I don’t see how your dislike of male/female gender roles has anything to do with your motivation to write m/m, because from what I’ve read, the m/m genre in no way provides an escape from heteronormative “feminine character shacks up with alpha character” bullshit. And, regardless, the choice to incorporate these gender roles are entirely up to you as the author.
Some of your questions up there don’t seem to be making the point you want them to make. You’re right, I can’t see a heterosexual man going on a hike alone with a woman the same way I can see two men going on a hike together. I myself — a queer woman — would happily go on a hike with my lesbian bestie, but I’d feel really uncomfortable hiking alone with any kind of man. But the rest of it doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t they see themselves as equal? Unless the man is so wrapped up in sexist attitudes that he feels the need to treat her like a child, yes, I’d expect them to act like equals. Yes, I’d expect them to share a tent. No, I wouldn’t expect physical differences to have anything to do with the story. Two people who exercise the same amount tend to have the same endurance; men might gain muscle mass more easily, but that doesn’t really have anything to do with hiking.
In other words: yes, there are situations that work differently for heterosexual couples and gay male couples. But not as differently as you seem to believe.
I do applaud you for choosing to write romance between two equals, rather than two men squashed into heteronormative gender roles. As a reader, I absolutely loathe such roles, and I’ll be sure to add you to my list of authors who don’t propagate that kind of bullshit.
[long post is long, sorry]
Jul 09, 2013 @ 13:02:31
Thanks for your thoughtful reply, Angie. I hope Lexxie and Co don’t mind us corresponding in public here. I think it’s an important topic.
I think part of the problem we are both seeing in fiction is this stereotyping. Perhaps I’ve been reading the wrong m/f books! As I said earlier, one of the aspects we will be discussing at the Meet will be “Injecting realism into m/m romance” and “Are we stereotyping gay men and what would constitute an acceptable HEA for them?”
I have made it a point to read both gay fiction, gay erotica and gay non fiction where I can. I’m very aware that there is a growing chasm between mm romance which adopts heteronormative stereotypes and reality. I fear this will make it harder, not easier, for gay men to relate to it in any way.
While introducing social issues to give mm romances credibility is admirable, imposing female standards of behavior on top is not helpful. For example, any books where a character has sex with someone other than the main character (after they have once even just kissed the main character) is seen by many readers as being “unfaithful” yet if you read Paul Alan Fahey’s anthology of collected essays “The Other Man” which I reviewed here: http://www.abgayle.com/1/post/2013/06/essays-exploring-a-contentious-topic.html you will see a whole different take on the subject.
It was one thing I took great care about when writing “Leather+Lace” but a couple of reviewers have expressed disappointment at that scene. Infidelity is a touchy subject with a lot of females. Some males, too but not as many,
In fact, one aspect that fascinates me is how the age people are (and the social atmosphere they grew up in or came out in) has a big effect on how closely gay men align themselves to traditional heteronormative standards. Broadly speaking, I am finding that younger gay males are more likely to demand monogamy and fidelity than their older gay counterparts. Their expectations are different.
And I wouldn’t say I have a “dislike of male/female gender roles” as much as I feel they have been explored pretty thoroughly over time by others and I didn’t feel I had much to contribute.
I still feel constrained as a woman into where I can go and what I can do. You said: “I’d expect them to act like equals.” Perhaps it’s a reflection of my age, but I still see males expecting to have the last word on routes to take, or other areas where they would feel they should be superior, even if they aren’t. Men often assume they have to take on that role, because that’s what they were brought up to believe. It is only when two people (any gender combination) know each other really well that the old gender stereotyping that is drummed into us from birth can take a back seat. Because then they know each other as “people” first and foremost. But that is, of itself, good grist for the mill for a book. Whether it would be a love story rather than a “romance” is another matter.
You said, and I a hundred percent agree with you, that the “m/m genre in no way provides an escape from heteronormative “feminine character shacks up with alpha character” bullshit.” Frankly, I find it appalling that a lot of m/m is sinking into the old Harlequin romance trap. I don’t write it and I don’t read it. A lot of readers expect it. They willingly read book after book by authors who do. Only giving them 3 stars but buying the next one for their fix.
No matter how much “Dear Author” and “SmartBitches” may disagree, the vast majority of readers just want characters who “lurv” their partner so much they go “Mine. Mine. Mine” which is the “mated for life” aspect of paranormal that turns me off it. In real life, both guys and girls would probably run screaming in horror if a guy was so demandingly possessive, yet that’s what many people want to read about.
Lately, I have only been rating and reviewing books that I think other people should read for different reasons. Usually because they are different and don’t fall into the typical heteronormative m/m trap.
Jul 09, 2013 @ 13:37:44
Perhaps it is indeed a reflection of whatever time you were raised during, or maybe just a reflection of the particular society you were raised in. I do find it interesting, however, that you wrote this earlier:
“Yeah, it’s hot writing and reading about two gay men getting it off, but more than that, literature – even when it masquerades as a light-hearted m/m romance – can help change perceptions. If properly researched and respectful towards gay men, by reading it we learn about the issues they face which helps us to support them when they need it.”
Because that’s pretty much exactly what I think about women and sexist attitudes. Defy bigots, subvert stereotypes, do your research, and inform readers, and you will eventually change the perceptions of readers — all through the insidious power of erotica. 😉
Anyway, thanks for the chat. I’ve been taking a break from m/m, but I might pick up one of your books.